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 Unsure To Ask
The trick to avoiding a messy state of affairs if your friend is trying to tell you she's a lesbian is to watch for other clues hinting that a coming-out could be in the wind. Often the experienced out comer will pave the way by scattering little references that will put you in a receptive frame of mind. Too often, your friend is foiled because you blithely allow these cues to sail over your oblivious head. Watch for these tell-tale signs:
Prolonged and vituperative abuse of Jesse Helms.
References to a "partner" outside of a business context.
Elaborate attempts to avoid using gender-specific pronouns.
Self-conscious toying with triangular-shaped earrings.
"Oh, I haven't spoken to either of my parents in several years now."
Tells you about her day at the Lesbian Avengers meeting.
Once you've spotted a casual coming-out in action, your next move is to avoid dropping your water glass and segue into a suave, low-key response that will convey to your out comer that her communication has been noted and logged. A common mistake at this juncture is the overdone expression of support. A response along the lines of "So you're gay then? Well faaaaaaan-TAS-tic! I'm just tickled pink, I think gay people are lovely" will certainly get the message across, but will also convey the unfortunate impression that you expect to be awarded a medal for demonstrating common human decency. More appropriate responses include "So how long have you been together?" or "Uh huh. Can you pass me the salt?"
You see, you CAN continue being a comfortable friend with your lesbian friend. Just be NORMAL, for goodness sakes.
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