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 Is your friend a lesbian?
You want to be polite. It's only natural. Your mother raised you right, and the idea of inadvertently causing anyone even the slightest embarrassment pains you deeply. And so far, you've been doing pretty well.
But you're worried. You know, from various statistics that have seeped into your brain via the media, that approximately one in ten Americans is either gay or lesbian. And yet, to your knowledge, no one you know is homosexual. Since you know more than ten people, you can only assume that this is because your gay and lesbian acquaintances are still in the closet, at least relative to you. Your fear is that one-day, one of them is bound to come out to you -- and you won't know what to do.
You want to do what's right. But this wasn't covered in Home Ec. Miss Manners remains silent on the subject. You'd ask your mother, but she wouldn't understand. And if you knew which of your friends were gay or lesbian, you wouldn't be in this fix in the first place. What to do?
Of course, The Big Announcement isn't the be-all and end-all of gay etiquette. The danger with the experienced out comer is that she may come out so casually and nonchalantly that you don't realize it has happened. Because you are straight, you think of coming out as a novel and intriguing experience, a welcome variation in the dull round of your otherwise dreary existence.
Your friend, on the other hand, gets to be lesbian every day of her life, and views this as a purely utilitarian activity. She might, for instance, drop a reference to her "girlfriend" into the conversation and then continue casually onward without commenting, explaining or batting an eyelash.
You may assume she meant this in the sense of "female chum." She now thinks she's out to you, whereas you still think it's a shame she has to keep bringing her roommate to company functions. This kind of misunderstanding can go on for years, ending in colossal and mutual embarrassment involving you gaping like a stricken guppy fish as you suddenly discover that the "Pride Party" she invited you to has nothing whatever to do with lions.
Looking for special hints and clues that are "standard" in the lesbian out coming experience are key to your certainty.
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